i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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