Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize