Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
