I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
