Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
