Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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