And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
