Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
