that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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