Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
