You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
