We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
