4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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