Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
