Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize