he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
