i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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