Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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