I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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