Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
