My girlfriend figured out who you are.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
