Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
