Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
