their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
