I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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