thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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