OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Randomize
