Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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