even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
