my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
