Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
