i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
