And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
