i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im holly from the hills drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
