Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
