I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
another moral hangover. fuck.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
