Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
