Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
false alarm, still single
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize