The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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