so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize