When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
