Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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