he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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