worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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