Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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