I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
