She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
