I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
