Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize