I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
