everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
