you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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