i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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