He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
