You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, beer. Big fan.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize