out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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