Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
