i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
