Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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