things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the condom got lost in my hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
