Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
