ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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