you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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