We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
