would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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