Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize