It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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