do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
