I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
