"it" just moved
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
