I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
