Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
