The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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