are you still at the devil's house?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
